My Next Lawsuit!

That penny is going to cost Ralph’s a fortune, I promise you.

Posted by Ted on December 5, 2013, 12:20 AM.

How Can They Tell…?

Well, it’s someone’s job to turn each one over and look.

Posted by Ted on , 12:14 AM.

Poo Poo to the Whos! Literally!

IT’S a Parsnips Family Tradition, every year on the Friday following Thanksgiving, to pile into the car and head over to our local Big Lots, where we ooh and ah over this year’s hot sauce gift sets. Like your family*, we too consider it the official beginning of the holiday season, and it just wouldn’t be Christmas without marveling at all the colorful bottles filled to the brim with vinegar and peppers, salt and, of course!, xanthan gum, each one containing the same ingredients in minutely varying amounts to create just the perfect formula for, say, Ragin’ Blaze or even Kickin’ Cayenne!
*Unless your closest Big Lots is in Marysville, WA, apparently.

And there’s always the nostalgia when you see your own kids peering in wonderment at all the different themed boxes  – just like you and I did when our parents brought us to look at the hot sauce collections so many years ago. Good times. Good times. 

…Eh, so anyway, after we all had our fill of that, we wandered down the stocking stuffers aisle. Not sure when candy excrement became a thing, but I know those “pooping reindeer” toys have been around for a few years. Today, the novelty line with that Sphincter-Shooting Action™ scores of fans have come to love includes Santa, a penguin, a snowman and this little fella:

Can we get a closeup of the head? We can? Excellent!

Seems…hmm..kind of familiar doesn’t he?

Why, yes – he looks just like the Grinch’s dog Max – if he was suffering from an acute and rather severe case of Gastric Dilatation Volvulus, which sound like Seuss words but are much harder to rhyme. Too much roast beast?

Regardless, while this may not be the perfect gift for you or me, I reckon it’ll be a hit with the Widow Seuss, who can probably expect a nice little settlement from the manufacturer once she gets her attorneys – Floob, Boober, Bab, Boober & Bubs, presumably! – on the case!

Posted by Ted on December 2, 2013, 4:18 PM.