58 Energy Shots You Need To Ingest, Just For God’s Sake, Not All At Once! Part 1 In A Series!

WE’VE ALL SEEN the commercials. Probably. You’re running low on energy and then you take an energy shot and then you have energy. But are all energy shots created equal? Pretty much, but for purposes of blog content, absolutely not. So, uh, let’s take a look at a bunch of them that I bought, huh?

Also, can’t you just see the above image in enormous poster form tacked up on your dorm room wall? It can be, for only $10. Simply send me $10…and then print it out really big as a poster if you can do that somehow. Voila!

So let’s get started! As with any sort of comparison review sort of thing, we need a control.  Here’s the control:

5-hour Energy
Price: $4.43 for a 2-pack at Walmart
Calories: 4
Vitamin B12: 500 mcg / 8333% RDA
Flavors: Pomegranate, Grape, Berry, Orange, Lemon-Lime
Before: Pooped.
After: Peppy!

5-hour Energy is our control on account of it started this whole energy shot craze thing. And it’s the gold standard, brother. It works.

That is, unless you’re utterly beat when you take it. That’s the trick: All energy shots are much less effective if you take them when you’re already exhausted. If you’re completely run down, then it’s too late. You missed the boat! Call it a night, pal, because you’re finished. Show’s over. Pack it on in! Hit the road, Jack! Throw in the towel! Goodnight, Irene! And, eh…so on. You need to take them before or at the very latest, when you’re just starting to slow down and you know you’ve got a bunch of crap to do before you go to bed.

As for the taste: as you’ll see in the days, weeks, and months ahead as I somehow manage to drag this piece out for what seems like an eternity, many of these shots come in different flavors and in most cases – not all! – the flavors are irrelevant. Most taste pretty similar – an overall tangy, sweet, and slightly medicine-y taste unsuccessfully masked by a mild fruit flavor. I don’t even have a favorite 5-hour Energy flavor. Hell, they’re all fine and the overall taste isn’t unpleasant to begin with.

So then, let’s get started, shall we?  …Tomorrow.

Tomorrow: Ted reviews the first three! What do you care, you won’t be back. Prove me wrong, folks.

Posted by Ted on March 8, 2013, 4:54 PM.