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58 Energy Shots You Need To Ingest, Just For God’s Sake, Not All At Once! Part 3 In A Series!
MANY OF YOU, what, six regular readers of this blog might be wondering why I’m listing the level of Vitamin B-12 in each of the 58 energy shots I’m reviewing. That is, assuming you’ve noticed this at all and you’ve read the previous posts on this, and let’s face it, those are two enormous assumptions on my part. Still:
I’m no doctor, scientist, or so-called “pharmacist” but it seems that the level of Vitamin B-12 in each shot is proportional to the effectiveness of the shot.
“Well, Ted, you jackass,” you sneer, “Why don’t you just take Vitamin B-12 pills if you’re tired instead of putting all these crazy chemicals in your body?”
Because Vitamin B-12 pills don’t come in colorful little bottles, smart ass!
“Or better yet, why don’t you just get some goddamn sleep?!”
Aaaah, get outta here!
Now if there’s no further questions, on with this week’s energy shot reviews!
Stacker2 Xtra Energy Shot
Price: $1 at Dollar Tree
Calories: 0
Vitamin B12: 500 mcg / 8333% RDA
Flavors: Berry, Grape, Orange
Before: Bleary-eyed.
After: Able to finish the entire dog house portion of your Snoopy latch hook rug kit before going to bed.Stacker2 Xtra Energy Shots will do in a pinch, but they’re not the most effective of the dozens I’ve tried. The grape flavor is pleasant, though not too strong, somewhat like a weak Kool-Aid.
What’s this…? More?!
Stacker2 Extra Strength Xtra Energy Shot
Price: $1 at Dollar Tree
Calories: 0
Vitamin B12: 500 mcg / 8333% RDA
Flavors: Grape
Before: Rundown.
After: Traversing six long city blocks on your daily run during the time “Who’s Johnny” by DeBarge plays on your iPod (versus the usual four blocks).Stacker2’s Extra Strength Xtra Energy Shot tastes exactly the same as Stacker2’s regular grape Xtra Energy Shot. In fact, the ingredients listed are identical – the only difference is the amount of the amount of the “proprietary energy blend”: 2125 mg in the regular version versus 2200 mg in this extra strength version. You get a whopping 75 milligrams more energy blend in the extra strength version.
What is a “proprietary blend”? It’s a mix of ingredients without individual amounts of each listed ostensibly to protect the manufacturer’s secret formula. However, some manufacturers use the term simply as a way to keep consumers from knowing just how little they’re getting of individual ingredients.
My attorney would like me to mention that with Stacker2, it’s undoubtedly the former.
It’s kind of a moot point though, right? If you’re at Dollar Tree and need an energy shot (most likely to keep from collapsing from sheer exhaustion while waiting in a long line for the one checker that’s open), you might as well pick up the Extra Strength Xtra Energy Shot: They’re all the same price.
Stacker2 Diet Energy & Crave Control
Price: $1 at Dollar Tree
Calories: 0
Vitamin B12: 500 mcg / 8333% RDA
Flavors: Tropical Blast
Before: In a food coma.
After: Ready to hop right back out of the booth and go for fourths at Hometown Buffet!Don’t let the diet angle of this one scare you away. You don’t have to be a lazy fat ass whose sole attempt to lose weight is limited to gulping down the contents of a 2-ounce bottle to try this energy shot!
Because that’s essentially what it is – another energy shot. The ingredients are nearly identical to the regular and extra strength offerings of Stacker2, above, with the only differences being three additional ingredients in their “proprietary blend” and no food coloring.
It was purely in the interests of science and blog content that I tried it and it’s one of my favorite from the Stacker2 extended family of energy shots. Not because of its effectiveness, mind you. But because of the taste. It has one of the most unique flavors I’ve ever encountered in my many decades of reviewing energy shots: It tastes kind of like liquid bubble gum. I’m not saying that’s a particularly great taste – but at least it’s different!
Name: Ginseng Blast Energy Igniter
Price: 99¢ only at the 99¢ Only store
Calories: 5
Vitamin B12: None/not listed
Flavor: Lemon-Lime
Before: Burned out.
After: Ignited!Well, not really ignited. This one didn’t do much for me. You know why? No B-12!
Ginseng Blast Energy Igniter has a sort of overly sweet green tea flavor that I would never peg as “lemon-lime” despite what’s on the label.
Speaking of which: “Ginseng,” “Green Tea,” “Aloe Vera,” “Goji,” “Antioxidants”- this bottle is like a Who’s Who of early 21st century trendy health words, so I think it’s safe to presume they merely ran out of room before they got to “Acai Berry,” “Flaxseed,” “Quinoa” and “Flintstones Gummies.”
Name: Pep’n Energy Power Shot
Price: 99¢ only at the 99¢ Only store
Calories: 5
Vitamin B12: 500 mcg / 8333% RDA
Flavors: Berry Pep
Before: Very pooped.
After: Berry pepped!Made by the same folks as Ginseng Blast, above, Pep’n Energy Power Shot: 8 Hour Energy Rush is the one to go for of these two. It’s got that tangy Berry Pep flavor you love and it’s got a crapload of Vitamin B12. But mostly, the bottle is a delight: bright neon green gradating into black and lettering in pinks, reds and purples. And with silhouettes of a girl kickboxing and a guy snowboarding, you’ll feel energized just looking at this energy shot.
With this batch, that makes for a total of fifteen reviewed, forty-three to go!
No sense in letting the above seven 2-ounce shots I just downed in the last twelve minutes go to waste at 2:33 in the morning. There’s no better time than the present to get started on that re-roofing project! First order of business: Assemble the necessary tools. Circular saw, nail gun, leaf blower (Might as well clean the gutters while I’m up there!), chainsaw (for the red maple limb hanging over the guest bathroom), CD boom box and just the right kind of lively music to match my high-energy mood.
Perfect! I think I’m good to go!
Ted Parsnips
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