Hot Gift Ideas from Big Lots!

SO I was at Big Lots the other day finishing up my Christmas shopping.

I’ve taken care of the mailman, the dog walker, my pole dance instructor, the cat’s therapist, my wife’s electrolysis team, the nanny, my cane chair re-weaver, the nanny’s immigration lawyer, the housekeeper, my daughter’s pony’s ferrier, the gardeners, that airy-fairy woman who sages the doghouse twice a month, the paperboy,  the baby sitter, my corset lacer, our pool guy, my haiku coach, the guy that hooked me up with free cable, my mani-pedi crew, the shoeshine boy, my personal watermelon, Bob from Sesame Street, the guy that hooked me up with my mani-pedi crew, the foreman on my ant farm, my corset unlacer, the garbagemen – pretty much everyone.

But like you, I’m always stumped: What do you get for your tattoo artist? He’s always the toughest person to shop for.

Thankfully, it was Big Lots to the rescue with a tasteful bottle of pinot grigio:

Now, this wasn’t any of that swill that Trader Joe’s peddles for two bucks. No sir – a quality wine like this’ll run you twice that.

Can we get a closeup of the label, please? Ah, here we go.

This will pair wonderfully with a 7-11 microwave oven-baked burrito in wrapper on a bed of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. Or by itself, when relaxing with friends on a bus bench while wearing a trucker cap. Oh, this is perfect!

Last person crossed off the ol’ shopping list, I could finally unwind and really take in the sights of the season. Namely, hot sauce gift sets!  Because, folks, what says Christmas more than the gift of hot sauce?  I’ll tell you what: Nothing!

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

Just a suggestion, gang…?  Say you and a pal have agreed to a $20 limit and you’re giving him (or her!) the five, ten, or fifteen dollar gift of Big Lots hot sauce this holiday season…?

You can make up the difference with these.

Posted by Ted on December 15, 2012, 7:27 PM.