A Rubber Stamp!

Recently, a pal and I were in a local closeout store. Folks from way back remember the chain as Pic N Save, but they’ve since changed their name to Big Lots. Well, said pal loves her rubber stamps – Christ Almighty, she’d get a tattoo of a rubber stamp if they could just put it on with a rubber stamp, instead of the painful, time-consuming, and all-too-often deadly process of getting pricked by a disease-laden (or -ridden?) needle by some so-called tattoo “artist.”

Anyway, I was pressing all the buttons on a shelf full of cheap talking toy trucks when I hear over the din, “Ted, come here – I’ve something to show you.” And by God, she sure did – she’d found a rubber stamp for sale at Big Lots:

Oh, Christ, that’s probably all confusing to you.
Here, let me show you the front of the stamp; that is, the block of wood on which it’s mounted.

“When you love somebody, you’re supposed to tell them.”  Hm.
Okay, here’s my problem with this:

First of all, this is supposed to be some brilliant out-of-the-mouths-of-babes revelation? Seriously? This is what passes for heartwarming sentiment these days?

Secondly, even if you like the inane statement up there, there’s no artwork to the stamp; it’s merely text. You could save your money and copy it down on a scrap of paper and then when you wanted to include it somewhere, just rewrite it yourself. What’s preventing me or you or anyone from doing that? I’ll tell you what: Not a goddamn thing.

And finally, who on earth is Jaden Young? Is he supposed to be known for these pithy little nuggets of wisdom? Because if he is, I’ve never heard of him, and I know you haven’t. Who the hell does Jaden think he is, Mattie Stepanowicz? (Also, I hate the name “Jaden.” It’s right up there with “Caitlyn,” folks.)

So even if you like his cloying little saying, do you really want to stamp the name and age of some complete stranger along with the rest of his message on the back of the envelope when you send in your check to the gas company? Ha, no wonder these things ended up at Big Lots, right?

Remember when Jerry Van Dyke was doing those ads for Big Lots a few years ago? I kept hoping they’d make one where he was doing his yo-yo tricks.  How hard would it have been to work that into one of them?

Posted by Ted on June 28, 2011, 9:00 AM.