A Sneak Preview!

My next show is in August at a small gallery in West Los Angeles. Nothing’s concrete yet, so I don’t want to mention the name of the place until “Zasu” (How pretentious is that for someone in her early 40s who moved out here twenty years ago from Chicago and never made it as an actress? Newsflash, her real name is Susan.) who owns the place pays me for two pieces which were DESTROYED at my last show there.

Some jackass decided to smear the chocolate frosting from a cupcake on both dogs’ asses (which I did in chalk pastel and I cannot get it off without smearing it or ripping the paper) on my mixed-media drawing “Freckles and Wilhelmina” from the Springer Spaniel series. (And did I mention the white “jimmy” strategically placed on Freckles presumably to represent a worm sticking out? Disgusting.)

And some other loser thought it would be “funny” to take chewing gum and permanently adhere two Connect Four checkers (one red, one black) to my grandmother’s glasses on my cibachrome photogram print “Nana Remembers.” It’s completely beside the point that “Nana” sold after it had been defaced – the fact is that was not how I created it and I have therefore disowned it.

To add insult to injury, Zasu wants me to replace the Connect Four game (not just the two missing checkers!) for her “game shelf” which is ridiculous, because I happen to know she bought the game at a yard sale – because I was with her at the time. (Those days are over.) I either want sixty dollars cash for the two pieces ($40 for “Freckles and Wilhelmina,” $20, punitive damages, for “Nana Remembers.”) or seventy-five dollars in food credit, no exclusions – redeemable any time, after the NuArt lets out, Sunday brunch, to go, whenever! If I decide I want to buy out all their pumpkin shortbread muffins right before the Saturday morning rush, I want to be able to leave with all twelve.

Anyway, I thought you’d maybe like to see a “sneak preview” from my upcoming gallery show (official announcement after she pulls her head out of her ass). The show is going to be called “Time to Eat” (unless I come up with something better) and I got the idea when I made a pizza the other night and it looked like a clock that reads three o’clock.  Ah, but three a.m. or three p.m.?

That, like all art, is open to interpretation.

Above: Three O’Clock – Digital Photography (but will be available on Premium Glossy Photo Paper), 2011

The pizza, by the way, was on sale at Target for $1 each. It’s a Tony’s Crispy Crust Party Time Supreme Pizza. Jesus, I wish I bought like ten of them – they’re really good (but the sale is over now).

Posted by Ted on June 21, 2011, 9:00 AM.