¿What’s Bueno? Pumpkin-Spice Flavored Almond Nog!

MAN, I tell ya — seems despite all the bueno stuff available at the 99¢ Only store lately, I’ve been seriously remiss in covering what’s bueno over there — distracted, as I often am, by collectibles from Dollar Tree — their arch-rival!

So let’s see if we can make up for that with this:

Holy cow! It’s a quarttannaug for just 99¢ only!

Whoa, slow down, Ted — you’re so excited, people won’t be able to understand you! They’ll think you’re blogging about obscure Massachusetts port towns now!

Okay, okay…  Deep breath…

All right, like I was saying, it’s a full-on quart of nog — specifically Silk brand Almond Nog, pumpkin spice variety, for 99¢ Only.

Oh, you know I bought a quart! You know I did!

(I did.)

I think what sold me on it was the gift tag-like label — the sign of good taste!

So I got it home, and I had a glass!  A glasannaug, sure.

Steady, Ted, steady…

The verdict?

…Meh. 

The best way I can describe it is it’s kind of like the non-GMO, soy-free, dairy-free, gluten-free drinkable equivalent of a collect-’em-all bike bag.

Wait wait wait!  That’s not a bad thing.

Silk brand Pumpkin Spice flavored Almond Nog is kind of holiday-themed, so that’s nice.

It’s just that it’s pretty much impossible getting away from the concept of “egg” when you’ve already committed to “nog.” I mean, how many other nogs can you name?

I’m sorry, WhiteWave Foods, benificent makers of Silk brand Almond Nog, but seriously: Anything other than “egg” that precedes “nog” is a punchline in reverse. You’d have been better off calling it “Faux Egg Nog.”

…Or something.

And as you all know — or should know, if you’ve invited me to any holiday get-togethers, I love pumpkin pie. Love it, love it, looooooove-it! Mmm-mm! Good pie!  Good pie!

But “pumpkin-spice almond nog”…?  All kindsa things can go wrong there.

The nog wasn’t bad, though the nog tasted a little artificial. And you know how I feel about artificially banana-flavored stuff. Don’t make me extend that one-item list to include “pumpkin spice.”

Bottom line? Bottom line regarding the nog? I’m happy I paid just 99¢ only for it.

Having said all that: I’m not allergic to gluten, I’m not lactose-intolerant, I don’t have some sort of stupid ethical dilemma with dairy items. So you’re getting the opinion of a guy who bought a quarttanaug simply because it was 99¢. Perhaps if I was stymied by any of those problems, I might appreciate it more, and by the way, I think we all appreciate how I’ve dismissed legitimate medical issues with the fun verb “stymy.”

Look, it’s late and I’m just digging myself in deeper here, so let’s end this now:

My Rating: 5.5 out of 7 Dollar Signs. On account of it’s not bad, it’s got really low fat (so low that I drank the whole quarttannaug in one gulping and wasn’t concerned about my trim girlish figure), and it’s probably good for you people who are still on that ridiculous “gluten-free” kick.

Posted by Ted on December 10, 2015, 4:19 AM.