Exciting Cereal News!

AS YOU KNOW, I always enjoy learning of new advances in the cereal sciences, but since even the most current breakfast cereal websites seem to have been last updated to announce the demise of General Mills’ Sir Grapefellow in 1972, I’ve found that the only way to stay “in the know” is to get out there in the field and find the news myself!

And it was on a recent fact-finding (and sock-buying) mission to Target that I happened across this:

I speak for all of us when I say “Thank you, Quaker! It’s about damned time!”

To hell with the bowl, damn the milk – sometimes you simply want a handful of dry cereal just to munch on! Sure, we’ve all been there – you don’t have to explain to me!

Maybe you’re outside with your MacBook Pro on your lap by a field of California buttercups. Well, that enormous box of Cap’n Crunch’s Crunchberries isn’t going to fit on the small 4-1/4″ x 3-1/2″ inch area below the keyboard and to the right of the trackpad. Not without you knocking it to the ground every time you hit the enter key, you clumsy oaf!

But as this image from the back of the box shows, a curiously near-overflowing packet of Snack’ems is right at home there! Fits like a glove, it does!

Crunchy nuts, granola clusters, chocolate chips, marshmallows, M&Ms – these are just some of the traditional delicious snack mix elements you won’t find in a packet of Cap’n Crunch’s Crunchberries Snack’ems! No sirree – Cap’n Crunch’s Crunchberries Snack’ems contain just pure, unadulterated Cap’n Crunch’s Crunchberries cereal! Nothing more! The exact same stuff that’s in this box, to be precise:

As long as we’re here, let’s take a look at the price – just for fun! – of this box of cereal, hmm?

$3.04 for an 18.7 ounce box. Seems reasonable. After all, this is Target – the home of reasonable prices!

Now, uh, just out of curiosity – again, just for laughs! – do we have a price on the Snack’ems?

We do?!  Excellent! Let’s take a look!

Hmm! $2.99! Also seems reasonable, right? Oh, wait, how much does the Snack’ems box weigh?

2.4 ounces?

No, c’mon. How much does it really weigh? Seriously now.

2.4 ounces?! Really? That’s it?! Holy crap.

So in other words, for a lousy nickel more – $3.04 for the regular box of Crunchberries versus $2.99 for Snack’ems containing five tiny packets – I get over seven times the amount of food?

And all I’d have to do is take five stupid Ziplock bags and grab a handful of cereal out of the box – a handful much larger than the Snack’ems packs’ stingy 0.49 ounce amount – and put it in each one…and still have enough Cap’n Crunch to eat with milk, from a bowl, with a spoon, like a civilized human being, for probably over a week?!

That’s it. I’ve heard enough.

Awright, men!  Tie him up!

Posted by Ted on October 13, 2012, 3:32 AM.