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If Only…!
Oh boy oh boy oh boy – a Dragnet / Munsters crossover! Now, that’d be something to see!
“Good afternoon ma’am, we’re detectives with the Los Angeles Police Department…
My name’s Sgt. Friday, this is my partner, Bill Gannon. We’re investigating a robbery next door and–”
“The cemetery! Not again! Grandpa! You get up here right away! Officers, if I’ve told that man once, I’ve told him a hundred times, you get your corpses from the scientific supply catalog, like a normal person–”
“No, ma’am, you don’t understand, we’re talking about the property to the other side of you. You see–”
“–Lily, who’s at the door?”
“It’s the police, dear. Officers, this is my husband, Herman.”
[Friday and Gannon look sidelong at one another with raised eyebrows.]
“Ah, the boys in blue! Don’t tell me Spot carried off one of your patrol cars again! Lily, Eddie has got to keep that pet of his chained up. Eddie! You come down here!”
“Actually, we’re detectives investigating a robbery next door at the Petersons.”
“Oh, detectives, eh?”
[Herman reaches into his jacket; Friday and Gannon grab for their guns.]
[Herman pulls out a Dick Tracy Crime Stopper badge.]
“Always glad to meet colleagues, haw haw haw!”
[Gannon and Friday exchange another glance as they relax and pull their hands out of their jackets.]
“We just wanted to know if you might have seen anything that could help us.”
“That’s right, folks – maybe a van or truck you didn’t recognize, strangers loitering around, anything out of the ordinary.”
“In this neighborhood? Good heavens, where do I begin? Won’t you two come in?”
“Thank you, ma’am.”
And there’d probably be some nonsense with Lily trying to foist Marilyn on Joe once she realizes he’s a bachelor, and the raven in the clock popping out and squawking “Beat it! The fuzz!” and Eddie asking Bill to kiss Woof-Woof good night, and so on and so forth.
Ah, what might have been!
Next time: I pull up some screen caps from that episode of “Mission: Impossible” where they use the Brady Bunch living room set and write something hilarious about that, too!
Ted Parsnips
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