-
A Window to the Past!
As you’ve probably read in the news, a fellow name of Anton Orlov recently bought an old camera in an antique shop and while cleaning his purchase, found a bunch of negatives in the film chamber that date back to around World War I! Amazing!
But if you think that’s something, how about this:
I was in Goodwill the other day where I found an ancient digital camera. It was of course overpriced so I scraped off the price tag with my fingernail and replaced it with one from a chipped coffee mug that was much more reasonable. Then I paid for it and brought home my find!
Imagine my surprise and delight when I connected it to my computer and it started automatically uploading pictures! Among them was this image of a 1910s forerunner to the 99¢ Only store!
Ha! Ha ha ha! No, I’m kidding! Turns out this is a regular 99¢ Only Store today in 2013, only the light in the second ‘9’ is out!
But what a fun way to start off your week, right?
-
You 你说 Potato and I 我说 Potahto
I was at Dollarama recently and I came across a delightfully enormous facing (industry term) of these things:
Like you’d be, I was all “Potato?”
First of all, what were they? Secondly, why were there so many of them here? And thirdly, “Potato?”
Upon closer inspection, I got the answer to my first question:
They’re little two-handled plastic drinking cups for very small children, complete with measuring marks on the back.
As to my second question, why were there so many of them – when you or I, back in our retail days, would have maybe put out two or free facings of these things, leaving room for other merchandise? The best answer I can come up with for that one is…well, this is Reseda we’re talking about. People, eh, tend to have, um, a lot of babies around here. Perhaps these cups are a hot item.
However my third query – “Potato?” – still had me stumped. So I looked up the manufacturer online, hoping for some answers. I got them!
That’s presumably the happy young couple, Mr. and Mrs. Wang, up there with their baby. Their brand story is, you’ll agree, a fascinating and inspiring one:
In year 1990, Mr. and Mrs. Wang have entered into the field of baby products production and development. At that time, there are only few baby products manufacturer in China, especially in baby bottle and nipple production. Because of the lack of technical knowledge, the quality in preliminary market is grievously. In order to supply baby with a safe and healthy growth environment, Mr. Wang, as a technical expert, research for several days and nights, breach the technical difficulties.
You’ll agree with me we’re all very fortunate that Mr. Wang didn’t give up in the fight against grievously, in his quest for perfection, after just one day and night but put his nose to the grindstone for several.
Mr. and Mrs. Wang chose Japan Shin-Etsu Company as our long-term nipple material supplier, South Korea Samsung Total as a reliable PP material supplier, and then in year 2000, create the brand “POTATO”. Brand “Potato” now has been the symbol of high quality in both domestic market and oversea market.
It’s true. Forget Evenflo, Playtex, Gerber – today the benchmark for high quality baby products is Potato.
So that’s the Potato story. But it doesn’t end there because as you surmised from reading the above, the manufacturer, Aqin Plastics, has a whole line of Potato products. Or, perhaps more accurately, a whole field of Potato products:
Look, if you’re going to stuff your Maidenform with spuds, you’ll want something to prevent chafing.
Not only is it safe and convenience for mohter, but unlike those purely ornamental breast pumps, this one works!
Wow, they’ve sure come a long way from the potato pacifiers Nana told me she used to suck on as a toddler when her parents were working the zemiakov fields outside Prague. These don’t have any dirt or roots on them.
Funny coincidence: the fellas at the gym call me “Potato Nipples” due to the combination of my gynecomastia and an unfortunate condition marked by small knobby protuberances and dry, discolored skin – and let me tell you, brother, I wish my nipples looked as good (or were as pliable) as the one up there.
And that sampling’s just the tip of the potatoberg, to coin a phrase. For bushels more of great Potato baby products, visit their flagship store, the Potato T-Mall, right here online!
Who knew that a time-killing visit to Dollarama in Reseda while I was having my oil changed would result in a virtual trek halfway ’round the world, where I, and now you, would learn about one Chinese man, his wife, their little Wang-baby and a shared dream for “honest reputation,quality first,customers first,excellence” and “go better and better in future.”
I think Mr. Wang said it best when he summed up his Potato brand philosophy with this:
Because of the baby, life becauses more beautiful…Life sundently full of sunshine&laughter.
Truer words were never spoken.
…”Potato?”
-
What’s 33% Less Bueno at The Dollar Tree!
LIKE YOU, I enjoy a good factory-made, individually wrapped brownie. To that end, Mrs. Freshley’s fits the bill fine, just fine! Hers are a joy for the tongue, they’re easy on the wallet, and most importantly, like most pre-packaged, ready-to-eat factory brownie slabs, they have the density of a white dwarf – a delicious, chocolatey white dwarf!
Mrs. Freshley doesn’t play favorites, either – you can find her wares at both your local Dollar Tree and your local 99¢ Only Store.
And here’s something new she’s done! Look! Look!
Well, I know I speak for all budget-minded consumers everywhere when I say, “It’s about goddamned time!”
I can’t tell you how often I’ve groused about the unwieldy, cumbersome, yes, inconvenient six-brownie box Mrs. Freshley used to foist on us!
What the hell was she thinking?
Six brownies?!
Who does she think I’m packing lunches for here, the Brady Bunch? What in God’s name am I – is anyone – going to do with half a dozen brownies?
And let’s not even get into my bad back and my sciatica and all the extra stress it puts on my knees, plodding painfully through the dollar store lugging a box weighted down with two extra brownies, trying desperately not to scream out in agony with every step I take! Let’s not even mention that! Sheesh!
Anyway, all that’s behind us, thank goodness, with this Convenient 4 Count Size.
-
Wendy’s Cheaps Out for 2013!
CAN you stand one more post about fast food?
Wait, why am I asking you that? Is someone holding a gun to your head making you come here once every ten weeks for twelve seconds, which according to my thorough reviewing of Google Analytics at 12:01 every night, is what you, what, six regulars do?
…No, seriously, is someone holding a gun to your head making you come here?
If so I want you to leave a cryptic message in the comments below. Something that doesn’t seem to make any sense whatsoever like “Hey, Ted, how about more of those Delightfully Anachronistic Package Design posts that we all enjoy so much? We haven’t seen one of those in a while!” That’ll tip me off that something ain’t right and then I’ll alert the proper authorities.
Oh, wait, I haven’t enabled comments…
Ah well. Look, don’t worry, I’ve got more of those stupid Delightful Anachronistic dealies in the works. You’re going to be okay.
Where the hell was I? Ah yes: Can you stand one more post about fast food? Of course you can! We all can!
As you know, Wendy’s is my quick-serve (industry term) restaurant of choice when I’m watching my pocketbook and my figure!
Their restaurants are nice, clean, reasonably quiet and they’re carpeted, which is great for those of us who go around barefoot everywhere and are learning to eat with our feet – just for fun, as a sort of personal challenge we’ve set for ourself for the new year.
One of the neat things about Wendy’s in Southern California is that for the last few years, they’ve offered these little keychain fobs you can buy. Then upon subsequent Wendy’s visits, you get a free little six-ounce Frosty free with your purchase. Just for showing them your fob!
One time I showed my fob to someone who didn’t ask to see it, and now I’m listed on a national online database! Hey-o!
Like I said, you get a free six-ounce Frosty with your order! A Junior Frosty, it’s called. Six ounces isn’t much – it’s the same size cup as they give you when you ask for water, but it’s just enough. It’s just enough for a little treat after a nourishing meal at Wendy’s, sure.
The fobs of which I speak, they cost a buck. And don’t worry – all the dollars collected go to charity! For feral cats or something, I don’t know.
So in the past, these fobs, they’ve been good all year long. And with the frequency I eat at Wendy’s, brother, this thing pays for itself a dozen times over – and that’s just in the first few days of January!
But this year I noticed something troubling!
Look! Look!
Here’s a photo of my fobs. On the top is my old fob! On the bottom, my new fob!
The new fob expires at the end of June! That’s when it’s just starting to get hot around here! And that’s when Wendy’s decides, in its infinite wisdom, to cut off our Junior Frostys? What the hell is going on here?!
As if that’s not bad enough, their 5-piece Chicken Nuggets is completely gone from their Value Menu! No trace of it left, whatsoever. No explanation! Poof! Just gone! In its place? Something called the “4-piece Chicken Nuggets.” Whatever that is. Also there’s a “6-piece Chicken Nuggets” if you can wrap your head around that.
Now, if you’re like me, and I know you are, you’re nostalgic for the discontinued 5-piece Chicken Nuggets. I’m going to show you how to foodhack a 4-piece Chicken Nuggets into their beloved and much-missed 5-piece Chicken Nuggets which many of us remember fondly.
1. Buy their new 6-piece Chicken Nuggets for $1.49.
2. Eat all but one.
3. Then, that last delicious, nutritious, deep-fried soldier…? Put it on your keyring, right next to your fob. Go ahead, it’s okay.
4. The next time you go to Wendy’s, buy their new 4-piece Chicken Nuggets, and when you flash your fob to the gal behind the counter, you’ve got the fifth Chicken Nugget right there. Pluck it off, hand it to her, and ask that she toss it in the hopper with the other four they’re cookin’ up for you, so they’re all nice and warm. That’s all there is to it!
Oh, and be prepared for a lot of questions from all the curious (and envious) diners when they see you’ve got not six, not four, but the classic five-piece Chicken Nuggets! Also, if you’re like me, and I know you are, they might ask you to put on some shoes.
-
A Fascinating Find on Salvation Army’s Kitchenware Shelf!
ONE of the neat things about living in Los Angeles is that often, entertainment-related memorabilia will find its way into thrift stores, where an enterprising, ambitious fellow like me, always on the lookout to make a quick buck, will pick up such items and resell them on eBay for thousands upon thousands of dollars.
I’ve found, among other unique items, a prop t-shirt featuring Daphne and Niles worn by David Hyde Pierce in a Valentine’s Day episode of “Frasier,” a framed photo of Tom Poston gesturing behind him to two cows in flagrante delicto used as set dressing in the film “Mickey Blue Eyes,” and a handmade doll of Squiggy as an elf, that according to David Lander himself was given to him by Penny Marshall as a Christmas gift during the run of “Laverne and Shirley.”
None of those, however, compare to this:
What you see above is the personalized mug used by that kid with the speech impediment when he was filming the animated cartoon “Battle of the Planets.”
I tracked down Keyop – he was appearing at one of those depressing Hollywood Collector’s Shows at the Mabel Albertson Holiday Inn in North Hollywood – and he confirmed it had been his:
“Reedeep! My old coffee cup! Brrrrrrrrrip! Where did you find it? Rrrrtoo-toot!”
He posed for a picture with me and the mug, and I must have made some impression on him because then he invited me back to his hotel room after the show closed for something involving bath salts and one of the gals from “The Waltons” table. That or he was trying to sell me an autographed 8×10. He’s kind of difficult to understand.
These esoteric posts…? They help to keep this blog from becoming too accessible. Heaven knows we wouldn’t want that.
-
Finders Keepers!
Man, did I pick the right elliptical at the gym today or what!
In the receptacle dealie on the left! Look! Look!
Your eyes aren’t playing tricks on you – I couldn’t believe it either!
What’s more, there’s a good half inch left!
Couldn’t come at a better time, either – right now we’re in the middle of a dry, windy, cold snap here in Los Angeles, which has turned my usually luscious Slovak lips into a cracked, bloody mess!
-
Del Taco’s Up to Their Old Tricks! But In A Snazzy New Setting!
HEY, they completely re-did the Del Taco near me!
Look! Look!
And they did it all in one night! One crazy night!
What’s more, I was like the first one to eat there once they reopened! That, friends, is commitment! First to eat there after the “re-do!” Let me in, let me in! Open the doors! Let me at those Macho Tacos!
You’re probably saying, “Ted, we’re of course proud of you for your accomplishment, but in this economy, how on earth did they afford to renovate a restaurant that really wasn’t in bad shape to begin with?”
The answer came just as soon as I ordered:
“Welcome to Del Taco. What can I get for you?”
“I’ll have the Number One please.”
“Medium or Macho size?”
“Oh…just medium.”Dammit! Dammit! I meant “regular.” Upsold again!
It’s the Del Taco way.™
-
Huell Howser 1945-2013: We Had A Wonderful Time!
SO VERY SAD to learn that Huell Howser has died.
It was pretty clear when he retired abruptly at the end of November that something was wrong.
He was interviewed a few years ago in a local free weekly where he said something like he’d hoped his last show would be him dropping dead on camera and viewers watching matter-of-factly saying, “Well, I guess that’s the end of Huell.”
Reading that was surprising at first. These seemed like the words of a man who didn’t realize just how beloved he was by his viewers. But if you watched Huell regularly and with a careful eye, you saw a man who valued his privacy: His remarks suggest a guarded man who, despite being in practically every shot of every episode of every program he produced, still wasn’t comfortable with the fact that even on public TV, he’d garnered quite a following.
On his shows, where he oohed and ahhed over everything from eggnog to calligraphy to quilts to lawn sprinklers to avocado-eatin’ dogs, he rarely if ever offered any details of his own life. (Another article interviewed a seemingly reluctant Huell at a desert home of his waaay out in Twentynine Palms, located behind a large gate of steel plates.)
Often when he’d be taping a show there’d be those – usually old ladies! – who, upon recognizing him, would stymie his interview style with interjections of “Oh, I love your show” or “We’ve been watching you for years.” Somehow he’d manage to – politely! – deflect and all but disregard any eruptions of unbridled fandom with a quick “thank you” before immediately redirecting the focus back on the fan herself – usually by doing what he’d started to do anyway, which in a restaurant meant grabbing their plate, holding it up to the camera and asking what they were eating.
He was lampooned magnificently on The Simpsons in the 2005 episode “There’s Something About Marrying” as “Howell Huser,” where he literally falls off a turnip truck, and later declares Springfield as “The Worst Town Ever” – a perfect parody of his über-positive road-tripping “California’s Gold” series.
Apparently he was taken by surprise by the episode and seemed almost mildly annoyed by the depiction, wondering to an interviewer why they hadn’t contacted him to provide his own voice. Matt Groening, himself a big fan of Huell, attempted to rectify this by bringing him in for a (frankly much less funny) cameo as himself in a later episode.
KCET intends to continue broadcasting his shows, though they have been careful to not say for how long. I have a feeling by this time next year they’ll be gone from the airwaves. Huell donated much of his work to Chapman University in Orange – everything but the “Visiting…with Huell Howser” episodes which are owned by KCET – so at least some of it will have a permanent home, and will be available online.
Rest in peace, Huell.
-
Thank Goodness The Holidays Are Behind Us!
…’cause now’s when they mark all the good stuff down!
And lucky for me the store up the street had 116 boxes left – unlike last year when I spent over a week driving around to eighty-five different stores in a forty mile radius from my place and I only got half as many!
-
Happy New Year!
WHY is it that if we’re so much more enlightened, if things are so much better here in the twenty-first century, there’s a dearth of fat, balding, middle-aged men willing to wear a diaper and put on a homemade sash for New Year’s Eve? Aside from that private club I went to once, I mean.
The festive gent seen here in a photo similar to a few hundred curiously specific 1950s New Year’s Eve snapshots floating around on the internet was identified by my dear great aunt – with a steel trap for a memory, she has – as the guy who lived across the street from my grandparents.
And now this treasured family photograph has been harvested by a handful of complete strangers for their Tumblr pages. You’re welcome! But if I see it on the cover of some awful “upcycled paper” journal on Etsy, I’ll sue you for every last hand-made knit hat with ridiculous dangly pom-pommed ear flaps that you own!
Ted Parsnips
?>
