What’s Bueno: Non-Fig Newtons!

AS YOU, what?, six regular readers know, one of the most popular features of this blog is “What’s Bueno At The 99¢ Only Store!”

Oh, it’s not particularly popular with you, but it’s fairly popular with me, which is why it pops up so often, and also why I have, what?, six regulars.

But having said that, I haven’t actually done one of them in months and that’s not just because I was in one particular location and was told I may not snap photos in the store.

I’m sure it was all just a misunderstanding, since as you can attest, this blog is very pro-99¢ Only. The manager – who very politely told me to stop snapping pictures – probably mistook me for that handsome devil behind that trouble-making blog, “Dogs Where There Shouldn’t Be Dogs” – I’ve been told we look vaguely alike and that guy’s snapped a few photos of people with their pets inside 99¢ Only stores. (Imagine!)

Anyway, before we’re both permanently barred from all 99¢ Only stores everywhere, I figured I’d better start giving you a daily (and with me, folks, “daily” usually ends up being once every eight or nine days, if we’re lucky) rundown of what is and what was bueno at the 99¢ Only store!

Newtons fruit THINS

Status: Currently available!

These may not look like much, but let me tell you, I’m glad I picked up a package – though I’m more upset I didn’t pick up a bunch more.

Like you, I am delighted that the package doesn’t describe them just as “cookies,” but rather “crispy cookies.” And, brother, they are. They are!

Oh, sure – you’re seeing “Newtons” so you’re thinking “figs.” Well, Nabisco doesn’t give a fig what you think, because you’ll find nary a fig in these babies. No, the only thing here is a crisp cookie biscuit with toasted coconut baked right in – and then they’ve gone and bedrizzled it with dark fudge. I speak for all of us when I say we didn’t see that coming!

My favorite part of Newtons fruit THINS (and I respect these cookies so much I use their silly uppercase and lowercase formating affectations) – aside from the cookies themselves, of course – is this on the package:

“NATURAL FLAVOR WITH OTHER NATURAL FLAVOR.”

Now, I’m no package design professional, but seems to me that they could have saved their printer a whole bunch of typesetting [industry term] if they just used the latest advance in package copy, the letter S. “Natural Flavors,” plural. Boom – you’re done. ‘Course if it wasn’t for this obvious copywriting screw-up, they probably wouldn’t have ended up at 99¢ Only, so I won’t complain too loudly (though I do feel bad for whoever lost their job over this one).

Tomorrow*: Another item that is bueno!

*Probably in eight or nine days.

Posted by Ted on January 18, 2014, 4:08 AM.